Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
Review & Rating - 10/10:
It’s a book about death. I don’t know if I would call this a biography but rather a lesson on living a meaningful life, taught by a fascinating man at death’s door.
Morris Schwartz was a professor of sociology at Brandeis University and after contracting ALS, he is visited by a student from ~16 years past (Mitch Albom) who documents Morrie’s final lesson on learning to die so one can finally start living.
This is the third book I read written/co-authored by someone who was dying. First was the 51-year-old investor/media executive Peter Barton’s Not Fade Away. The second was the 38-year-old neurosurgeon/scientist Paul Kalanithi’s When Breadth Becomes Air. To this book, a 78-year-old professor.
Each book was unique, they all made me cry, though I think I cried on five separate occasions while reading this book. A new record. I can’t say why this is the case. Maybe I’m becoming more emotional each time, maybe it’s the writing, maybe it’s that I’m getting older. I jest, I’m ripe in my late-twenties.
But it’s like when I listen to Adele or Andrea Bocelli. The songs get you emotional but you can’t pinpoint why but it envois an amazing feeling. This book does that.
If I were to pull out the key learnings I took away from reading this book over the two day period…it would be the following:
It’s never too late. No matter what.
If you are spending much of the present thinking of the past and ‘what ifs’ then your present life represents an unsatisfied/unfulfilled life.
Learn to die so you can start living.
Love.
Giving is to live.
Wherever you are, build your own culture of your choosing.
Build a life centered around creating things that give you purpose and meaning. Things that come from the heart.
All the above might be something people read in some self-help books. But much like how an author gains more by writing a book than a reader does by reading it, reading a book gives the reader more than someone reading a summary of learnings. The fact is, the learnings I took away from it are cemented by what I read and felt in the book and no one who reads this will be able to understand that without reading the book themselves.
I’d say if one wishes to start living, it is important to read this book.
Book Notes:
Every day, ask yourself if you are being the person you want to be. People tend to underestimate what we could be.
"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to die.”
There is no experience that can substitute to the one of having children. One should only embark on it if he wishes the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being and to bond and love in the deepest way possible. This is the checklist.
Similar reason for marriage. There is no substitute experience for it. It’s a whole new experience one should undertake only if he knows himself well enough. It would be irresponsible to enter a marriage without understanding the self well.
Everything is impermanent. Learn to detach from all things and identities.
Learn to detach from emotions. Whether it’s self-pity, envy, or loneliness, let it wash over you and move on. Don’t let it consume more of your day than it needs to. You will experience all kinds of emotions in life so detach yourself from singular ones.
When people act out, it’s because they just want to be noticed, seen, and acknowledged.
Morrie taught social psychology and although he didn’t teach what people would call ‘career skills’ that would get people jobs immediately or make a killing in a business deal…he taught his students personal development. This might be laughed at by modern culture but if one measured the value of their teaching by the number of students who continued to visit their professor for making an impact on their lives….then Morrie would win over any finance or law professor.
Over a long enough time, teaching personal development is more important than any tangible skill.
Morrie described himself as an independent person who loved to speak and listen to people. He described the importance of investing in people and I think I saw pieces of myself in his life. Similarities in personality and interests. I also think I would love to have achieved what he did by the end of his life, the work of influencing and helping so many lives to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. It gives me further hope to realize my own dreams.
In response to the question of aging, Morrie noted the misery of the young. How many lament their inadequacy. He also noted how the young are not wise at all, despite their exuberance. The young do not have much understanding of life. Growth requires one age. Hence, aging shouldn’t be seen as decaying but as growing.
When someone tells you "oh if I was 20 again” etc… it is a signal of an unsatisfied/unfulfilled life. Someone who has found meaning in their present life can’t wait for the next day to realize it further. You’d want to do more and see more with what you know today.
“You have to find what’s good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And age is not a competitive issue.”
Morrie brings up an excellent point that one should accept where they are in their current time of life and revel in it.
A meaningful life requires one devote the self to loving others, devoting the self to the community, and devoting the self to creating something that gives the self-purpose and meaning.
Showing off to people at the bottom will only cause envy. People at the top don’t care for what you own. Hence, don’t play to please others but to give to help others.
Do that which comes from the heart. It’ll take you closer to purpose and meaning.
Create your own culture. Choose how you wish to think and what you wish to value. Don’t let society dictate that for you. Don’t even let your ethnicity or nationality dictate what you should value or care about. Before you are Korean or Canadian, you are a person on Earth first.
The shortsightedness of people limits our imagination for what we could be, what we could achieve, and stretching our potential. Beware of that.
Learn to forgive yourself and others.
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” Love is what keeps the dead still with the living.
The important questions one should focus on while living are those related to love, spirituality, awareness, and responsibility.
Giving is living. It’s what makes one feel like they are living. Give instead of taking.
It’s never too late. Don’t limit the self and mind. It’s never too late.
The greatest goal….possibly the daily pursuit…should be to make every average day the perfect day. Consider what your perfect day looks like and strive to make that your every day.