Summarizing, a Test for Listening

This is what the psychotherapist Carl Rogers had to say on the tactic of summarizing to truly understand what one is listening to:

"Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But if you try it you will discover it one of the most difficult things you have ever tried to do. However, once you have been able to see the other’s point of view, your own comments will have to be drastically revised. You will also find the emotion going out of the discussion, the differences being reduced, and those differences which remain being of a rational and understandable sort.”

It dawned on me that this is also the case for reading, which I consider to be a conversation one has with the author. I picked up the process of summarizing each chapter from reading Mortimer Adler’s “How to Read a Book” (I think I got it from there).

After I finish a chapter, I summarize the key things I learned from it from memory and the marginalia notes I have. It’s not only helped with retaining key parts of the book for the future but helped with priming the mind for when I continue my conversation with the author for the next chapter.

I didn’t think that the same process could be used in a live conversation, whether it’s with a client, friend, or interviewing someone. This makes sense as if you are truly listening, what matters isn’t your opinion but whether you understand the person across from you. Hence, one should be able to summarize what the other person said quite succinctly.

The point of listening is about the other, not the self. We forget that when we jump to thinking about what question to ask to follow up or what you think about their story.

By summarizing the story, you not only focus on the person and try to listen….you will get a correction on any errors in your summary. The person will stress the important points for you again.

This is no easy task but whether it’s reading a book or having a conversation, it’s a habit that’ll go a long way in the pursuit of wisdom.