Two Years Without Social Media
The good, bad, and struggles of making the phone my tool instead of the other way around.
It wasn't some special experience that inspired the choice. Rather, it's been the constant desire to alter the system to improve productivity in my life. Just tired of feeling like I was wasting time.
The phone used to be a tool for us. The indestructible red-brick shaped Nokia or the Motorola Razr all performed the task of helping us communicate. Modern-day phones do that too. But also much more. It's definitely improved and gotten much better.
I'm probably preaching to the choir by saying phones are now part of the attention economy where companies spend billions of dollars to keep our minds glued to the screen. Whether it's directly using the phone or indirectly by leading us to behave in a certain way (i.e. constructing situations that are "Instagram-worthy").
I would be lying if I said I wasn't affected by this. Why else do you upload a photo of your travels or yourself lifting if not to garner the attention of others? Humans are social creatures so the fact that we do things for social recognition seems rather normal. Rather, it's the extent to which such desire for 'recognition' drives us. The danger is to be on the extreme of purely being driven by extrinsic motivators.
I wanted to move closer to being as intrinsically driven as I could and I didn't think having social media would help with that. If I don't want to get tempted by Jalapeno Cheetos (I love them) then it's prudent to not have them at home. Even better is to not walk down the chip aisle in the grocery store. Because it's not discipline. It's environment construction to make things as easy as I can for myself.
To create an environment where I can closer to being intrinsically driven, I got rid of all the social media apps on my phone. I had four back in 2017 and it was a gradual process of deleting each one.
The order of events:
Deleted Snapchat Winter of 2017 (I remember cold weather)
Deleted Facebook Summer of 2018 (August I think...)
Deleted Instagram Winter/Spring of 2019 (I think the end of Feb or early March)
Deleted LinkedIn Summer of 2019 (sometime in June)
Some people like to go complete 'cold turkey' and cut everything out all at once. I think even this approach has a relative view. One could say that 'cutting it all out' can be deleting all your apps at once or that you deleting Instagram entirely could also be a form of going 'cold turkey' compared to someone who might start by putting time limits on until making it 0.
I think there are techniques for everyone and I've personally seen a gradual 'small step' change to be effective for making a long term change.... and I believe psychological research (at least ones up to 2019) seem to support this step method for forming habits too.
A caveat here is that I was never a social media 'power user'. I didn't have optimal hash-tagging or meme capabilities. So deleting Facebook and Snapchat didn't feel as difficult for me. It also helped that the apps seemed to be declining use from my social network as well. Naturally, it was the easier ones to start the 'cleanse' with.
I guess that's where I decided to go 'cold turkey' and just delete the apps. I'm no pioneer of the movement but of my peer groups, it was foreign to be deleting social media apps in 2017.
After deleting Snapchat, I started to keep track of my phone usage (i.e. screen time, app time, etc...) using an app called Moment. I don't know if it's the best one but it was the one I used at the time.
On average I was spending 23 minutes on Instagram, 15 minutes on LinkedIn and 10 Minutes on Facebook. Naturally, Facebook was the easiest app to saw off. But after deleting Facebook, it wasn't that I saved 10 minutes.. because I ended up allocating all that time into increased Instagram and LinkedIn usage.
But I did notice my default was to go into Instagram first, then LinkedIn. So... ta-ta Instagram.
Instagram Inspires....?
Before sawing off Instagram, I thought about using it as a tool for my life. I'd hear about how people like to follow videos they get inspired by. In hindsight, I probably had a subconscious desire to not let go of the drug. Not so much FOMO (fear of missing out for the modern-slang challenged like me)... but what it resembles... not being relevant.
So, I tried it out. Follow some people who might "inspire" me. I started with other powerlifters, athletes, and travel photographers. Hoping physical feats would inspire me to push myself. Turns out, I really don't care how strong other people are or athletic they are. Rather, it became a detractor. Instead of focusing on my everyday improvements I ended up fantasizing about the end products I saw.
I'm not saying these folks had any malice in their hearts. I'd like to naively believe that they are intending to inspire by sharing and I'm sure many do get inspired. That's awesome. But I learned I'm not someone that will get inspired by a 30-second video or a nicely edited photo with a long story or whatever medium used for the short attention world. I find myself getting inspired by stories I read about in books or multi-hour podcasts. Long-form content. On reflection, I don't get inspired by documentaries either because they seem so refined. I tend to like the raw unedited stories... probably why I like those kinds of podcasts and am adamant on keeping mine that way as well.
Truth be told, my Instagram feed was just a sad excuse for a legal softcore porn site with a mix of puppy videos, sports highlights and luxury vacation photos... which also had all kinds of models. The best rule of marketing is probably that sex sells. I mean, you can probably boil down every action of a wealth-seeking dude down to sex. But that's what Instagram symbolized for me. Some weird wallpaper of guilty pleasures.
I first thought it was weird and disgusting but later learned most of my friends had their own version of a softcore porn site with the models they fancied. Well done Facebook. That algorithm is doing its magic. It also presented the thought that anyone who tried presenting a "PG13" Instagram was lying and had a secret account stashed somewhere. Just normal human behaviour.
Regardless, this was a waste of time. I never felt inspired or good after spending time on Instagram. Same for LinkedIn for that matter. Filled with all kinds of posturing on career success. I've done it too and by god, seeing the constant stream of people's accomplishments was exhausting and it was not what I needed on my journey. I needed patience in my life. I needed to get away from the rat race, the ladder climbing, the vanity showing off and flaunting. I wanted to get closer to reality. My present and my reality. There was no inspiration to be had from Instagram or LinkedIn.
What About Social Media Marketing?
Then, there is the predicament of how will I market my media platform and all the podcasts and essays I produce if I'm not on social media? Wouldn't I be ignoring massive traffic of attention? Probably. In the world where time is clearly becoming the currency and our attention the asset of companies.... one would think cutting social media would be foolish.
Of course, I'm flooded with tons of unsolicited advice from folks who tell me about what I'm missing out on by not being on Instagram, Youtube, Tik-Tok and how I'll be successful like Joe Rogan or someone else if I did and that was the missing element. I'm sure many mean well. Even if their subconscious “need” to give advice comes from an inherent insecurity with their own self-worth... they mean well. It used to be a struggle casting aside such 'half-baked' advice from spectators but now I just smile and say "Yeah maybe one day."
Don't get me wrong, I do social media marketing. I automate my marketing to Linkedin and Facebook. I don't have any of the apps on my phone so I'm forced to use a desktop to schedule it all once a week to limit my interaction. I'm also learning to utilize Quora, Medium, and Reddit to find 'my people'. People who may get engaged by what I produce. People who I may be able to add value to. People who don't require everything be "bite-sized clips, snippets, etc..." To use social media is a tool that works for me and not the other way around.... I'm carefully trying to navigate this jungle to find my people.
Much of social media is about being short, clickbaity, etc.. and maybe it's my own failure in marketing to not be able to seize attention in a super short span. There is skill there too for sure. But I also wonder whether people who love 140 characters, 30-second stories, etc.. will like my 2000 word essays or 1 hour + podcasts. There is an appetite for super long-form but I think it's a small group. And I do not think I'll necessarily find them by spreading myself thin on all the media forms. I might. But it's not worth putting myself through investing more time onto platforms I don't want to be close with. It's just not good for me personally.
The Emotions I Want To Avoid
I'm sure there are a whole slew of negative things people have spoken about in relation to using social media. I don't know the list but these are ones I felt.
In addition to the 'detraction' instead of inspiration, and the disgust in self... I also didn't want to feel the jealousy, depression, self-faulting and doubting. You may be thinking "That's so unhealthy for you, you should learn to compartmentalize/balance etc..." It just may be that I'm just not as mentally strong and disciplined as those who don't suffer from such emotions. Some are not phased by social media but I am. Knowing that, it made sense to step away from this comparative game entirely. Maybe this will change in the future. Maybe it's also the result of the tumultuous time I'm going through in my life.
Either way, making a cut and turning my back to the world that fed such negative emotions made sense for me.
A part of me wonders whether I didn't care so much about this in the past because of a false sense of security and superiority I had. An immature and ego-driven bravado led by my title and self-defined status. I wonder this because of how raw my life's felt in the last few years. I wonder if my own sense of ego acted as the sunglasses I wore to stare the sun of external-fantasy that is social media.... and only as I lower the sunglasses slightly (as I'm not without ego still... just trying to fight it) do I feel the pain from staring directly at the sun.
A Moment In Aftermath.
The odd thing is that it seems so long ago that I had social media on my phone. I can't imagine the hours and hours I spent scrolling through the useless photos of people that did not matter. On things that did not matter.
Changes in Behaviour.
Now, when I see something I want to share with people, I get specific. Instead of blasting some photos for a "story" with the hope that all my followers will see it, I take a specific photo or video to send to a specific person I have a relationship with. People who are friends and/or family.
If I want to contact multiple people then I create chat groups to create mini tribes for myself. I can't imagine having a 20 person chat group. At least one that means something to me.
It's definitely got me to think specifically about who I'm trying to share a specific moment in my life with. Sure I may miss out on a possibility for serendipity by not blasting it out. The lottery of getting viral off of one post. But only fools believe in lotteries and I'd rather not be a fool. I'd be a fool hoping millions would give two shits about my picture in Europe.
This also means I have no idea what my friends do, where they are, who they spend time with.. unless I speak with them directly. It's forced me to schedule time to purposely meet up with those I want to have in my life. Instead of a random Instagram message stemming from a photo I make time to have an hour-long conversation with them to catch-up. Even if by video call, I've been forced to establish a human connection with specific people by not knowing what everyone does.
I'd like to think that I subconsciously do more things I want to do as well. Especially since I have no means of blasting out a photo for others now. No one will know or care about what I do unless I sit down to write 1,000 words on it or specifically send them a photo. It's not as easy as before. So I'll take frequent walks by the harbourfront by myself. But no one will know. I'll try out new cafes, new restaurants and see new places but no one will know. The only people who'll know are the people I tell because I want them to know.
It's truly been unburdening. I'll be cliche and say that I've been more present too since I don't care about sharing what I do with anyone else. If I do want to share, then it's going to be in the long-form of storytelling I prefer so all the better. I love telling stories. I'd also like to get better at telling stories than making click-baits too.
The Things That Suck.
Sure there is FOMO. I'd be lying to you if I didn't wonder. I'd also be lying to you if I didn't think I was not utilizing the tools available properly too. I'm not saying what I'm doing is right nor the best option. It's an option that I choose to try out. Who knows, maybe I'll get Instagram back on my phone. I have been considering an option where I only have 100 friends maximum that I'd like to have in my life.
It's just that.... at this current moment in my life I'm better without social media and I consider FOMO to be a deficiency in my system and I'd like to combat it this way. It's all a part of trying to be as intrinsically driven as I can. I do not desire to be fully intrinsically driven but to be so in the majority of situations. For that, social media needs to be absent on my phone.
A challenge with not having social media has also been on adding new friends into my network. Giving phone numbers and texting have become somewhat foreign. Nowadays people like to give each other Instagram names. My workaround has been Facebook messenger or Linkedin but it seems to not be as fluid of an experience. Maybe it'll be good because I'm forced to constantly meet new people in person and form relationships that way.
My partner is also forced to show me cute puppy videos in person now instead of DMing me on Instagram as well.
I've also ended up feeling more distant from a great number of my friends as many have no idea where I am, what I'm doing etc... With a limitation on my time, not using social media has taken away the scaleable nature of "keeping in touch" with my friends. Even if it's a shallow and meek method... relationships require constant attention and not having social media does limit this.
Final Thoughts.
All things considered... I'm happy with the decision I've made. It's been awesome for my mental health and I think my relationships will prosper in the long run.
At this point, I just need 10 friends who can be there for me at the lowest points of my life and who also want me there to help them in the lowest point of theirs. I don't think I need social media for that.