Narcissism

When we think about the seven deadly sins, we automatically consider them to be bad. They are called sins after all, right? But I wouldn’t call greed an absolute negative. Isn’t greed what pushes us to want more than what we have? To dream bigger? How could that be an absolute negative?

It’s also possible, nay probable, that such a narrow diagnosis will lead to self-hatred. I’m either mad at myself for wanting more and not succeeding it or mad at myself for even wanting more in the first place when life might’ve been easier to settle for less. But what if I accepted these emotions and traits as a mere factual necessity of life? 

“There is a lot of narcissism in self-hatred.” - David Foster Wallace

When I first heard DFW say that, I immediately registered self-hatred as bad because narcissism is bad. But is it? Couldn’t narcissism be good and bad? 

Narcissism could be self-confidence or arrogance. Those traits could be interpreted as conviction or ignorance by others—even by the self. Is it possible that I could be comfortable doing the difficult thing of balancing a trait like narcissism with both hands at all times?

It’s one thing to have an opinion and pick a side. It’s another to be able to accept each emotion as is without judgment on the self. 

It is at the cusp of such a journey that we sometimes fall into the trap of feeling like the world is out to get us and no one in our life understands us. Maybe not you but I’m certainly guilty of it.

An antidote I found useful has been this poem by Philip Lopate:

Source: https://poets.org/poem/we-who-are-your-closest-friends

It is through such poetry that I realized how ridiculous I must be to think what I do is bad or wrong. It’s akin to believing people out there are scheming to bring about my downfall. It’s where narcissism isn’t necessarily a bad thing but merely a silly thing.

There is no world out to get me or conspire against me. There is no system or people to blame. The traits of mine I hate are also the ones I can love having.