Empathy Requires Curiosity
But empathy is a very common trait that is thrown around often as a requirement for any leader or job. You won’t find a job that says “Does not need empathy” but plenty that says “looking for people who embody empathy”. Ditto for biographies of leaders
I do believe that certain individuals may be born, and raised, to be more inclined to have strong EQ muscles than others. However, I do not believe it’s innate as something someone has or doesn’t have. Everyone has levels of empathy. It’s the range that is variable.
It’s a Practice.
I believe empathy to be a practice. But it’s not as if one sets out to train in empathy. No. I think it starts with a practice of curiosity.
A curiosity that leads to knowledge from learning via experience or literature. This knowledge leads to understanding and that will determine whether one chooses to empathize or not.
Following this thread: “Curiosity -> Knowledge -> Understanding -> Empathy”
Aka: “Curiosity => Empathy”
Curiosity becomes a requirement for empathy. I’m not saying all who are curious are empathetic. But those who are wildly empathetic (or want to be) probably have an even greater amount of curiosity.
On reflection, I find it hard to empathize without knowledge. I consider empathy to simply be a method of being able to understand what is in front of you. Not to agree or have an opinion of but to understand.
Following such personal logic, does it not make sense that you would only come to understand the result by knowing the process that created the result? One can take it a step further to say only the curious will want to know about the process. Curiosity leads to the accumulation (and eventual compounding) of knowledge and greater understanding.
Monet and I.
I was at an art gallery in Vienna and I saw a bunch of paintings. I’m not much of an admirer for paintings but it was the touristy thing to do. The package I bought for public transit included the entrance fee for the museum.
In there, I saw a painting by Monet. I knew him to be famous and my bias was confirmed with his presence in the museum. But it was only when I learned that he was 84 years old and going blind when he painted this particular painting of his garden that I felt the significance of it. I bought a postcard of the painting because it resembled the pursuit of working on what you loved until you no longer could.
For me, I would never have appreciated this art without understanding the story behind it and it gave rise to the thought that I would never be able to understand and further empathize with someone without knowing their story and process.
At Work.
My partner and I both started as public accountants. We are both the type of personality to not complain and pound through work. We’ve both experienced what it means to work literal 100 hour work weeks. An experiential knowledge we have. It helped each other understand when the stress translated to other areas of our lives.
Regardless of whether it was right or wrong, it helped us understand each other and what priorities were. It helped us understand that seeing each other would be tough for weeks. Many relationships for colleagues ended because of a partner’s inability to empathize. Maybe if they could only be curious to learn why and what it meant to live this kind of life.
In Family Upbringing.
My father was a big fan of security in a career. At least when I was choosing a profession for university. Now, as an entrepreneur of 10+ years, he has a slightly different perspective.
But in the early years, it led to a lot of strife between us. He also disliked me becoming an investor, even if for other parents they might’ve gotten excited at the prospect of making lots of money.
I learned my grandfather worked and retired in one company all his life. My father probably expected to do the same as well. But South Korea became bankrupt as a country in the Asian Financial Crisis of 1998–1999. His employer wasn’t spared from that economic blast. Then, he saw the Great Financial Crisis wreak havoc in North America after we immigrated over from Asia.
Then there are all the woes of being an immigrant where the country won’t accept that your experience running a public company as interim CFO in Hong Kong is not good enough for you to get a job here.
Only by getting curious about financial history, my father’s upbringing, what my grandfather’s youth was like, interviewing countless people on my podcasts was I able to find different bits of information that helped bring upon a greater understanding.
Widen the Lens.
Getting away from the childish attitude of trying to define “right vs. Wrong” or “black and white” in an all but grey world, a human connection can be established through curiosity.
I think a curiosity that leads to experience could lead to a deeper understanding than just learning. For example, a person who has actually invested will be able to empathize more than someone who has merely watched a movie or read a book on it.
Travel is a beautiful way to feed and grow such curiosity. Not the Instagram-likes kind of travel but one where you learn the culture of the city, maybe even the history.
Another would be to venture out in a career as well. It won’t just grow empathy but give a chance for innovation as well.
Not Obvious.
Though I understand the value of specializing deeply in a career, I do question then the prerequisite for empathy for such fields. I would argue that weird backgrounds may have a greater degree of understanding but that’s not how the market seems to see it. From my experience, the market only recognizes what they deem to be ‘obvious’ but obvious is limited in understanding, obvious is not curious.
Curiosity requires an incessant pursuit to learn more. Not just in one field but of all kinds of places. If one were to follow such curiosity, an obvious background cannot form. It will only appear to be obvious in hindsight after it has become accepted by the ‘laggards’.
For a world that begs for empathy, most seem to demand ‘obvious’ in work experience, education, and even values. This is no way to increase empathy in the world. It’s only by accepting the non-obvious and promoting the pursuit of curiosity that we will result in a more empathetic culture.
Disclaimer - I’m writing this for myself. For my past, present and future self. Much of what I write is my opinion. If it somehow ignites agreement in you then great, I’d love to hear about it. If it sparks disagreement in you, don’t reach out because I don’t care for it. There always are obvious exceptions and the flawed person in me hasn’t considered them all.