Ego is The Enemy - Ryan Holiday
One-Sentence Summary:
It’s the book to read when you feel resistance, envy, failure, and anger at the world because the problem is you and all you need is the perspective this book provides.
Rating On Time Of Review:
Awesome. Short, sweet and impactful. Would buy for friends who are ready.
Book notes below. My thoughts are in italics. Opinions are mine during the time of review.
Date Reviewed: June 8, 2020
Introduction
We always seek to find something external to blame for problems. In reality, it’s you who is the problem. It’s not the responsibility of others to understand you. Never blame the other for something you can work on yourself. Seeking/doing that which you can control.
The ego also arises from focusing on past achievements. Move on. What you’ve done is in the past. Relying on it and identifying with it limits you.
“We can’t recognize opportunities - or create them - if instead of seeing what is in front of us, we live inside our own fantasy.”
“The performance artist Marina Abramovic puts it directly: “If you start believing in your greatness, it is the death of your creativity.””
**“Sure, ego has worked for some. Many of history’s most famous men and women were notoriously egotistical. But so were many of its greatest failures. Far more of them, in fact. But here we are with a culture that urges us to roll the dice. To make the gamble, ignoring the stakes.” / In a society that only celebrates the winners… and one that also looks for flaws in winners to console their lack of will to do the hard work… I hear a common argument that you must be an asshole to succeed… but if Adam Grant’s book on Givers and Takers is one data point… it’s that people forget that some “appear” to win or “appear” to be successful despite being assholes and egotistic. Most don’t make it. And isn’t the true egotistic asshole the one who belittles the achievement of others by saying “it’s because I wouldn’t stoop to their level of foul play” without understanding anything?
“Confidence is earned. Ego is self-anointed, its swagger is artifice.”
Aspire
From Isocrates to Demonicus in Athens: “Be slow in deliberation, but be prompt to carry out your resolves” and that the “best thing which we have in ourselves is good judgment.” / I do struggle with not being “prompt” enough.. wondering if that is utter laziness… or whether the procrastination is a sign…. It’s like having Steven Pressfield remind me that I need to fight the resistance… but also having Derek Sivers remind that I should act promptly to “hell yes” opportunities and taking procrastination as a sign of listening to the gut. All in good time I suppose. I think the most important thing is to take things in stride in my own time. It’s about playing the game for a long time. Not rushing it. The book reference Napoleon as such a character that “bursts upon the scene from nowhere and disappears in failure just as quickly.”
“Imagine that - an ambitious person turning down a chance to advance in responsibilities because he actually wanted to be read for them. Is that really so crazy?” / It’s like strength training. You continue to stick to a weight until it becomes easy. It’s not about constantly increasing the weight but building your body into that weight to “earn” the increase. The slow growers grow the longest. The ‘drinking from the fire hose’ technique may set folks up for failure faster than people expect. A bunch of flame outs..
“One must ask: if your belief in yourself is not dependent on actual achievement, then what is it dependent on? The answer, too often when we are just setting out, is nothing. Ego. And this is why we so often see precipitous rises followed by calamitous falls.” / I struggle with this. I was not a confident child but it did build forcibly to this point… in one way, it was back by achievement but it seems to be a fluid scale where I need to remind myself that I know nothing and am still unqualified for many things because I find myself continuously slipping into the realm of thinking I can do anything and feeling outraged when others think I can’t.
“We will learn that though we think big, we must act and live small in order to accomplish what we seek.”
Earn your confidence through actions and achievement. Act & live small consistently to slowly build up to a form of greatness. It takes time to build a solid foundation so take that time. It will be able to weather storms better later.
Talk, Talk, Talk
Do the work. No mindless chatter but purposeful conversation related to your craft. You can’t talk and do at the same time. So just do. No need to tell people your plan or reason as these can change. Use the power of silence to remain flexible in strategy. Focus. You need that to get shit done. The fact is, no one will remember what you thought about before or what your plans were before. All they will see is what you are doing ’now’. No one pays attention to you. That’s just the ego talking.
“Silence is the respite of the confident and the strong.”
“Never give reasons for what you think or do until you must.” / hmm… power in not blabbering on about grandiosity… I always thought sharing your ‘why’ would be a way to connect immediately with like minded people.. and maybe that is. But it’s also good to stay focused and let the work draw in curiosity first.
“A man’s best treasure is a thrifty tongue.” - Hesiod
Talking is how we feel the void left by the ‘resistance’. Because doing hard work is hard and the deeper you go, the more distracted you get. There… the more you seek to talk to others about it. Maybe it’s the insecurity brooding… and the need for the world around you to encourage your pursuit? Regardless, realize such feelings are normal. What needs to be done is to sit down and focus every day.
To Be or To Do?
**To be somebody is to take on an identity. To be understood, accepted and to fit in with what society dictates is ‘right’. To do something is to not fit with the preset mold. It probably won’t give you the promotions, titles to brag, the salary or even be liked by your bosses. But that’s okay because you’ll be true to yourself and those that love you. It’s like when I was told to rewrite my goals because it didn’t align with what management wanted. The world may look at what you are trying to do and tell you it’s idealistic… that you need to get realistic. The irony is that being realistic is actually playing pretend so you can fool those around you and even yourself. Idealism is not negative. It without action is. It’s never going to be easy to act on things that are not normal. But if it needs to be done for you to be true to what you believe.. then that’s something you have to do.
Proxies to true achievement: title, salary, # of employees, grant $$s, university degrees, designations. There is nothing that actually says you achieved any of these because you were actually impressive. The real question to ask yourself is if you earned any of it and it reflects what you actually did. Pride is in the work, not the reward someone else grants.
“Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive.”
“A man is worked upon by what he works on.” - Frederick Douglas
“What you choose to do with your time and what you choose to do for money works on you.” / Your actions will dictate you who are. Not your beliefs.
Mental model: “Does this help me do what I have set out to do? Does this allow me to do what I need to do? Am I being selfish or selfless?” / Consider whether your actions have purpose. Whether you actually know why you are doing anything you do. It’s like Simon Sinek’s “why”. If you love recognition and reputation then know that. But if you are doing things that contradict what your own purpose is… then it’s worth stopping.
“In this course, it is not “Who do I want to be in life?” But “What is it that I want to accomplish in life?”…. Do I want to be like everyone else or do I want to do something different?”
In one way this is harder because you won’t be liked, you’ll be misunderstood, most may pity you and all kinds of external factors will bother you. But, it can also be easier because most distractions will never fit your criteria anymore.”
Become a Student
To continuously learn, one needs 3 groups of skill-level in peers. Those above you, at the same level and below. Once again, these are peers. Not those that read your work. It’s like how.. I think it was Ben Thompson who said he didn’t read comments but only listened to peers… I think Conan O’Brien said that too.
“You can’t learn if you think you already know.” / This would also be indicative for applying for jobs… the fact is… you are never deserving of a set salary or title or role.
“When student is ready, the teacher appears.” / Remember that Ben Graham rejected Buffett in the first few years. But he never quit doing the work.
It will take a long time to become who I want to be. But what’s the rush? That’s what the rest of my life is for. That which comes quick leaves quick. If this is something I truly want.. I should seek to achieve it over a long period of time. For what else is there to live for? Finding peers and getting feedback…. That’s a tough one. But an essential one. Continue to do the work to create your own masterclass. You will attract or be attracted to the right individuals the more work you do.
Don’t be Passionate
Passion is the ’self’ with ego. Seek purpose. Though, I believe passion is required for one to think of purpose. They are not mutually exclusive. But I think the crucial point of this chapter is that you need not be ‘excited’ every time doing what you do. It’s not even about loving every moment of what you do. But rather, the feeling that you need to do this and there isn’t anything else. More so like chasing curiosity.
“Opportunities are not usually deep, virgin pools that require courage and boldness to dive into, but instead are obscured, dusted over, blocked by various forms of resistance.” / it’s not obvious. It doesn’t scream at you that it’s an opportunity.
Holiday says purpose is passion with boundaries. But this is where we disagree and I think it’s because we have fundamentally different perspectives on what passion is. Passion without the discipline of execution of actually doing what you love non-stop is just talking. Which seem to be what he is referring to. Those with specific plans of results and rewards and the life thereafter. Yea, that probably won’t work.
“It’d be far better if you were intimidated by what lies ahead - humbled by its magnitude and determined to see it through regardless. Leave passion for the amateurs. Make it about what you feel you must do and say, not what you care about and wish to be.” / Be deliberate and intentional w/ your actions. Make small steps and constantly iterate. It’s about being methodical and not guns blazing running blind.
Follow the Canvas Strategy
“Clear the path for the people above you and you will eventually create a path for yourself.” / Like how Bill Belichik watched all game tapes in his early coaching years because no one wanted to do it. But he was able to add immense value as a result.
To feel that a kind of work is beneath you is your ego speaking. It never is. Do what others don’t wish to do. That’s where the opportunity is. Seek to add value, not to desire credit.
Restrain Yourself
“You have a million dollars or a wall full of awards? That doesn’t mean anything in the new field you’re trying to tackle.” / Yeah, stay humble you jackass. Also, take no shame in that either.
**“When you want to do something - something big and important and meaningful - you will be subjected to treatment raining from indifference to outright sabotage. Count on it.” / I know I think it. Like the thoughts of ‘do you know who I am?’… but once again that’s ego. Everyone thinks it too. No matter their background. But it’s a mistake for you to over identify with your past. No one cares. In this current moment of doing this work of yours… the one of purpose… who cares what others think. If you feel the opportunity is not coming despite giving it your all… well.. it wasn’t supposed to be easy. You may have not met the right people and/or you may have not done enough work. Either way, you have to keep on going.
“… you’re not able to change the system until after you’ve made it. In the meantime you’ll have to find some way to make it suit your purposes - even if those purposes are just extra time to develop properly, to learn from others on their dime, to build your base and establish yourself.”
The Danger of Early Pride
“John D Rockefeller, as a young man, practiced a nightly conversation with himself. “Because you have got a start,” he’d say aloud or write in his diary, “you think you are quite a merchant; look out or you will lose your head - go steady.” / had no idea that Rockefeller journaled… or that he did affirmations. More power to it. Also…. I think I can now admit that I may have rushed. Just got too intoxicated with achievement and the need to get places ‘faster’…. Sometimes I feel frustrated because I feel I’m too slow… but that’s okay. Steady.
Don’t boast. No need to flaunt or brag. Accomplishments are for yourself and loved ones. Also, to achieve mastery means that there will always be someone teaching you. Hence, you’re never above others.
“We are still striving, and it is the strivers who should be our peers - not the proud and the accomplished.” / they falsely think they’ve made it…. As if there is some final destination before death.
Work, Work, Work
“When you are to practicing, remember, someone somewhere is practicing, and when you meet him he will win.” - Bill Bradley, Rhodes Scholar, 2x champion with Knicks and US senator.
**“Every time you sit down to work, remind yourself: I am delaying gratification by doing this. I am passing the marshmallow test. I am earning what my ambition burns for. I am making an investment in myself instead of my ego. Give yourself a little credit for this choice, but not so much, because you’ve got to get back to the task at hand: practicing, working, improving."
Always Stay a Student
“Do you know how you can tell when someone is truly humble? I believe there’s one simple test: because they consistently observe and listen, the humble improve. They don’t assume, ‘I know the way.’”
Don’t Tell Yourself a Story
Bill Walsh’s system of creating a culture in the 49ers to make them into a super bowl championship team focused on details. It’s the details in the system that make it click. It’s the details that build character. “He focused on seemingly trivial details: Plauers could not sit down on their practice field. Coaches had to wear a tie and tuck their shirts in. Everyone had to give maximum effort and commitment. Sportsmanship was essential. The locker room must be neat and clean. There would be no smoking, no fighting, no profanity. Waterbacks were told where and how to hold the ball. Linemen were drilled on thirty separate critical drills. Passing routes were monitored and graded to the inch. Practices were scheduled to the minute.” / But it’s the success time…. That’s when you have the furthest to fall and when the system broke apart… 49ers tanked. It’s essential to stay ever more grounded to being stoic upon success…. This reminds me of the frugal and cost conscious founders of massive companies. The more ‘real’ they keep it and create an environment to push away distractions and ego… the longer they will stay at the top. The one who immediately buys goods to signal their achievements…. They won’t last long.
“Don’t try to buy at the bottom and sell at the top. This can’t be done - except by liars.” - Bernard Baruch / don’t sell into stories. The reality… whether it’s investing, business or even life is that it’s messy. Bezos has once said that there was no ‘a-ha moment’ for Amazon… no matter what the media might say. The process for building the company and its business model was messy. That’s the reality. There is no beautiful business plan.
**As Paul Graham would say, keep your identity small. Make it about the work and not about making amazing headlines. Stay small, focus on small things…. And only scale when it becomes inevitable. Organic growth over manufactured. You can’t know what will succeed. You will never know what will work. You will never know which investment will be your biggest winner. All you can do is do the work. Build a process. Have hope.
What’s Important to You?
“To know what you like is the beginning of wisdom and of old age.” - Robert Louis Stevenson
**Be selective. Don’t try to compete in things that are not important. Same with investing. There are many ways to win in investing. But focus on the strategy that aligns with you. Learn from the other strategies too but don’t chase ‘quick wins’. This also means being selective with oportunities. Saying yes too often will prevent you from actually achieving that which you seek. Also, understand which arena you want to play in. Don’t try to win at everything. Pick your battles. Focus on what matters. Ulysses Grant won all them battles but he wanted to be millionaire like others and lost it all in a Ponzi scheme. Don’t let envy rob you. That’s your ego.
**“According to Seneca, the Greek word euthymia is one we should think of often: it is the sense of our own path and how to stay on it without getting distracted by all the others that intersect it…. It’s not about beating the other guy.. It’s about being what you are, and being as good as possible at it, without succumbing to all the things that draw you away from it.” / euthymia stands for tranquility…. Seek calm.
Ego is that which make you seek out what you have and what you don’t have. Figure out what you don’t want so you know you can’t do it all. The Mungerism of Invert.
Your actions show your priorities.
“So why do you do what you do? That’s the question you need to answer. Stare at it until you can. Only then will you understand what matters and what doesn’t. Only then can you say no, can you opt out of stupid races that don’t matter, or even exist. Only then is it easy to ignore “successful” people, because most of the time they aren’t - at least relative to you…” / It leads to defining success for yourself… by examining what actually drives you and who you are.
Entitlement, Control and Paranoia
“One of the symptoms of approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” - Bertrand Russell
A blind crusade to prove people wrong has no meaning. All journeys have doubters… but if the purpose was to prove people wrong… that fire may take you down a dangerous path. Always be careful of the entitlement and paranoia that comes from achievement.
Meditate on The Immensity
Great leaders frequently sought to get lost in the wilderness to gain perspective. To see the large picture you have to escape the busyness that makes you forget how small you are to the world and how the world will keep operating w/out you. So then what must you do w/ such small time? What are you here for? Don’t be afraid to get lost to figure it out. “Creativity is a matter of receptiveness and recognition. This cannot happen if you’re convinced the world revolves around you.”
Maintain Your Sobriety
“Most successful people are people you’ve never heard of. They want it that way. It keeps them sober. It helps them do their jobs.” / Patience, silence and discrete.
Failure
**It comes at in-opportune times. It will blindside you. No matter how prepared you think you are and no matter you doing all the right things, you can still fail. Because the world is just out of your control. Everyone will have their own unique experience that is incomparable so don’t make it a competition. It’s what you do at the face of such failure…… opportunity doesn’t say opportunity. Most times it will look like shit and that shit may look like failure. Clean it up. Stay focused on your purpose to keep on fighting.
Never waste a good crisis. Use it to learn & grow. Make it ‘alive time’.
The Effort is Enough
“What matters to an active man is to do the right thing; whether the right thing comes to pass should not bother him.” - Goethe / Process over results.
Focus on obtaining fulfillment on doing good work. Not the outcome. Outcomes are out of our control. No point fretting over such things. But when the process alone is something we love, that is the indicator that we are probably doing the right thing. If we are outcome dependent… that is probably not something you should be doing. Also remember… that even if the outcome is amazing… and you relied on the external recognition of such an outcome… you will then surely be disappointed and think your life meaningless when the external world ignores you by not giving a shit.
**“You will be unappreciated. You will be sabotaged. You will experience surprising failures. Your expectations will not be met. You will fail.” / As John Wooden advised his players, change your definition of success to that which you can control. Recognitions and rewards and extras and rejections are their loss. That is not success. Success is about doing the work.
Draw The Line
I think if Steve Jobs was not fired from Apple, then he would not have been able to transform Apple to the company it is today. He needed to get fired. He needed to experience such an experience to understand what he had to do. He needed to grow from that. He needed to start other companies like Pixar and only from not quitting and getting back up was he able to use such a failure to go back to Apple to make it into the company it is today.
Maintain Your Own Scorecard
“A person who can think long term doesn’t pity herself during short-term setbacks.”
For Everything That Comes Next, Ego Is The Enemy
“I don’t like work - no man does - but I like what is in the work - the chance to find yourself.” - Joseph Conrad
Disclaimer - I’m writing this for myself. For my past, present and future self. Much of what I write is my opinion. If it somehow ignites agreement in you then great, I’d love to hear about it. If it sparks disagreement in you, don’t reach out because I don’t care for it. There always are obvious exceptions and the flawed person in me hasn’t considered them all.